chapter five

“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask.

“We’ll take two beers, please.” Ronnie says. Keith just sits there. His eyes look like a Chinese persons eyes.

I put my hand on my hip and say “Two beers comin’ right up.”

“Pretty and sweet” Ronnie says.

I learned how to be a cocktail waitress from my mom, who always tells me you have to smile and flirt with your customers, which makes them happy and makes you get bigger tips. I’m not trying to get a big tip but I still want happy customers. If you don’t care about having happy customers, you can tell them to kiss your grits. I didn’t learn that from my mom I learned that from Flo.

I hurry to the kitchen and go straight to the sliding glass door to check on my sisters, who are now filling our beach pails with mud and basically making a huge mess. At least there not bugging me, I guess. I open the fridge. Milk, Catalina salad dressing, hot dogs, iceberg lettuce, bologna, a soft cucumber, nail polish. There is no Coors Light, which is another thing my mom will get in trouble for. All we have to drink is milk. My mom always makes us drink it, even with dinner. I only like milk in cereal, not to drink. My mom always says I don’t give things a chance but that’s not true. Once I saw a cartoon where a cat drinks milk and he made it look so creamy and delicious, that I decided to give milk another chance, but I still hate it. Kind of like how guys make beer look so good when they drink it. They always say ahhhhh after the first sip of the first beer and they always want more when they run out, but to me it smells like pee. Maybe that’s just because guys pee a lot when they drink it and then they never remember to flush the toilet. I’ve never seen adults drink milk. They’ll think I’m a real idiot if I bring them milk.

Cats love milk, kids love soda and men love beer.

Luckily I remember that sometimes there is some beer stored in the garage, which is connected to the kitchen. It’s not cold but I can always put some ice in it. We usually always have beer but never anything I love. My favorite drinks are ginger ale, Coke and Mr. Pibb, but my mom never buys soda, unless it’s one you don’t want anyway like Tab or Fresca. Sometimes we get Kool-Aid or Hawaiin’ Punch if we’re lucky. I told my mom I would drink milk if she just put some strawberry Quik in it, but she said that Quik makes it less healthy. She tries to mix in some healthy things, but the only healthy things I like are Grape Nuts, Flintstone’s vitamins and Pepto Bismal. I still get the Grape Nuts and Pepto Bismal, but she stopped buying the vitamins because I ate them like candy. I look all over the garage. There are some empty cans and boxes but that’s it.

I tip toe over to the archway that connects the kitchen to the living room, to check on Ronnie and Keith. Ronnie is rolling up a bunch of joints and Keith’s head is leaning back and his eyes are closed. This is good. Keith is passed out and Ronnie can’t leave without him.

I hear the sliding door open and I run back into the kitchen. My sisters are just standing there, covered in mud and making a huge puddle on the floor.

“Go back outside…you’re soaking wet and you’re tracking mud in the house.”

They tell me they’re still hungry. They’re tired. They’re bored. I tell them to go wash up in the pool and then go play on the swing set until they dry off and I’ll bring them lunch outside. “Go”! They run back outside and I shut the door. I throw a dish rag on the floor and move it around with my foot to sop up the water. Then I have to lay it flat on the counter or it’ll get mildewed. I can hear my parents talking but I can only make out a few words. I saw a spying trick once, where you put a glass up to the wall so you can hear better, but I’m too busy right now to do any spying.

I get a plate from the dishrack and put some hotdogs and ketchup on it. I take the lunch outside. They wanna know when they can come inside. I tell them that it’s good to get a lot of fresh air. They wanna know how come I get to stay inside. “Because I’m the oldest, that’s why. Any more questions”? When I go back inside, I shut the door and put the broom handle down so the door won’t open, that way I know where they are. I don’t need them running all over the place. I have enough problems as it is.

I don’t need a glass to hear the fight now because my dad is screaming things again. He is telling my mom that she’s gonna quit her job at Lloyd’s. She says no fuckin’ way. He calls Lloyd’s a fuckin shithole dump, which I can’t believe I’m hearing.

Lloyd’s is a great place and my dad used to love it too, before my mom started working there. Sometimes me and my sisters get to go to work with my mom. They always fall asleep on a couch in the break room. But I can stay up late. I am always the one who stays up late at slumber parties even when everyone falls asleep. We always make a pact to stay up all night, but I am the only one who ever does it.

Now my dad is saying that she needs to be home with the kids and that he doesn’t want his daughters hanging out in a bar all night.

But I love hanging out at the bar! Curtis is the bartender and he lets me sit at the end of the bar and eat all the olives and maraschino cherries I want. He also gives me quarters so I can play Ms. Pacman. Lloyd’s is always fun, but the best day to go is Monday, because for Monday Night Football they have all-u-can-eat tacos. Everyone is in a good mood because of the free tacos. Even my mom laughs a lot. I think that is what makes my dad so mad. Normally I eat the French dip but I always eat the tacos on Monday.

I smell pot smoke coming out of the living room. Ronnie must have lit another joint. He’s probably gonna have really bad cottonmouth now.

They’ll just have to have milk I guess. I open up the fridge. I wrap both hands around the handle of the gallon of milk. I hurry to make it to the counter but the gallon of milk slips from my hands and explodes on the floor.

“Shit!” When the milk is on the floor it looks more like a hundred gallons have been spilled.          “You okay in there?” Ronnie asks.

“I’m fine…I just had to make my sisters lunch…I’ll be right out.” I open the drawer where my mom keeps the dish towels and throw them all down on the floor, but it’s pretty useless.

My sisters are banging on the door again. They’re thirsty now too.

“Can’t you figure out anything”? I say. They are really banging, They are going to tell on me, because I locked them out, cause I’m not playing with them, cause I gave them cold hotdogs, because I’m letting them die of thirst.

“There’s a hose isn’t there? Drink out of the hose.” It’s the same water as inside the house.

“Where’s mommy”? they scream.

“Don’t you know we have company? Now stop acting like brats. Mom’s busy and she left me in charge so you have to mind me.” They are still whining.

I let out a big breath of air. “Do you wanna walk down to the mini-mart later”? They stop screaming. They love any place that sells candy. “I’ll walk you down there later if you just behave and stop bugging me. I’m not kidding, if you bug me again, you can just hang it up.” They run back to the swingset. Now I’ll have to steal some change from my mom’s purse.

I look at the milk.

I feel like the woman in the commercial, who says “Calgon take me away.”

I slosh through the milk and I pour two glasses of faucet water. It’s good thing my dress is highwaters now. I don’t really have time right now to deal with this. I will have to clean this up later. I wipe my shoes on the carpet when I go back to the living room. Keith is up now and him and Ronnie are talking, but they stop when they see me come back in the room.

“Sorry we’re out of beer…my mom really needs to go grocery shopping.”

Ronnie and Keith look at each other. Keith cracks his knuckles. Ronnie scratches his eyebrow. I hand the glasses of water to them.

“You know what sweetie…” I cut Ronnie off. “There’s a mini-market up the street. I could go and buy it for you if you write me a note. I don’t mind. I always go and buy my Aunt Lisa’s cigarettes. She just writes a note to the store giving me permission to buy cigarettes, gives me her driver’s license and the store let’s me buy them even though I’m not eighteen yet.”

“That’s okay sweetheart.”

Ronnie doesn’t seem to mind about the water, he takes a sip, but Keith takes the water and puts it on the table. I sit down.

“My dad’ll be out soon,” They don’t say anything

“Hey, have you ever played Simon?” I ask.

“Simon sez stand on your head?” Ronnie said. He was joking around again.

“Ronnie!!! This game isn’t for babies…it’s really hard. Four colored lights make a pattern. You have to remember the pattern and then do it back exactly the same. My dad threw it once, he got so mad. He had to tape it up with duck tape.”

“Get off me motherfucker.” My mom screams. I can hear the sounds of fast smacking. Kids get spanked on their butts. Adults spank each other all over. Word fights are bad but the worst ones turn into hitting. This is how it starts. My mom smacks my dad a bunch all over his face and then she pulls his hair. He tries not to hurt her until he has no choice but to push her down. Then she kicks at him, which is pretty dumb because guys are stronger than girls and she always loses their fist fights.

“I can go get it if you wanna try…we can all play at once.”

They look at each other again. Keith cracks his neck and rubs his eyes. Keith looks at the clock. Then he looks at Ronnie. I can see him open his eyes as wide as possible, something that he didn’t want me to see but I did.

There is a loud crash coming from the bedroom. The sound of furniture moving can be heard now. It must be the bed, I think.

“So you wanna play? It’s hard but it’s really fun too.”

“Not today munchkin.” Ronnie says as he stands up and stretches.

“Here’s my imitation of Simon. It’s funny. beep boop beep booooomp!!!

They don’t laugh. Ronnie sort of smiles at me.

It sounds like maybe a dresser just got turned over. I don’t know but it sounded like something big. There is so much screaming. I feel so embarrassed, my cheeks are burning. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and everything sounds like after you fly on a plane and your ears don’t pop.

Keith gets up. Ronnie looks down at me.

“I think we’re gonna head out…you tell your dad to give us a call when he’s free. Okay sugar?”

“No, no you can’t leave. Come on. I’ll go tell my dad you’re here again. He probably didn’t hear me say you were here. Don’t leave.” I look at them. “Please”? They don’t say anything for a few seconds and then Ronnie says, “Hurry up. We’ll wait.”

“Okay I’ll be right back…don’t worry.”

I run to my parents bedroom as fast as I can.

When I get to the door the screaming stops.